As human beings, we seek approval for pretty much everything. You want our friends to say yes to in our significant others. You want our employers to say yes to of the work we do. Most importantly, you want our parents to say yes to in our life choices – and our purple mother of the bride dresses. Unfortunately, we don’t always get what we want. And we don’t will have the same taste in wedding dresses as our parents.
What are the results when you need your mother’s approval and financial help to purchase dream dress?
What if your mother has the checkbook clenched between her fingertips, and she’s not going to release it until after you put on that poufy princess dress? What do you do when you and your mom will never like the same wedding dress?
This is a problem countless brides tackle throughout their wedding supplements – and it’s an intricate issue. If her mom is happy to retrieve the big bucks for the wedding dress, should the bride compromise her idea of the perfect dress? I don’t think actual forfeit should be made, but perhaps sometimes a compromise can be exercised.
By the time most women get married, they know their own personal style, what they like, and what looks good on their bodies.
The same principle is true when it comes to bridal dress shopping, or almost any dress shopping, even.
Julia Steinly, Miss Eastern Shore 2015 -- and summer intern at Weddings in Vieques. People ruse about how pretty our interns always are, but this one is a legitimate beauty queen!
Julia Steinly, Miss Eastern Shore 2015 – and summer intern at Weddings in Vieques. People ruse about how pretty our interns always are, but this one is a legitimate beauty queen mother of the groom dresses with jackets!
I grew up competing in pageants for the chance to dance onstage and win scholarship money. Part of each competition is the evening gown phase, which is one of the most highly-weighted categories in beauty pageants, if not the highest.
My mom would go dress shopping with me and veto anything she didn’t like. She would say, “That’s too sexy, ” or “There are way too many gems on that dress. ” Or the most popular – “IT’S HOW MUCH??? ”
I had to put so many gorgeous dresses back on the holder for some other lucky girl to wear. Inside my age, my mom had the money and the power so i had to follow her rules. With bridal dress shopping, it ought to be different. You’re an adult and it’s your special day. But if you need your mother to swipe her credit card at the wedding planning shop, it might not be that simple.
Now don’t get me wrong; I absolutely believe that the bride should be able to wear whatever dress her heart desires, regardless of whether it’s white, pink, or covered in rhinestones. The bride doesn’t want to cringe every time she whips out her wedding album to show people photos of her dress. But it’s also important that the mother understands it’s her daughter’s day, and the bride needs to wear what makes her feel confident and happy.
Moms don’t usually tell a bride-to-be daughter “no” just to be mean. There are legitimate reasons why a mother may not allow to pay for a certain dress – and mom isn’t always wrong. It may be too costly (and it’s her money, right? )#), maybe it isn’t complementing to your shape, or it may be too uncovering. Seriously, if the dress you like could ever be compared to something Hugh Hefner’s girls are wearing, you may want to re-think your style choices.
Many years ago, I attended being married at lovely cathedral in New york city. Everything about the wedding was perfect prior to the bride walked down the section. Immediately, guests began whispering and fidgeting in the pews. Even the groom’s eyes bulged to the size of half dollars.
The bride used a dress that was sheer, and completely backless, right down to her bottom. But to make matters even worse, she used stick-on rhinestones to line her back right from her neck to tush. She definitely achieved a Pippa Middleton moment.
Although the bride was happy in her gown, not everyone invited to her wedding was comfortable with her choice.
It was very uncovering and some of the older guests didn’t even feel safe admiring her. It was the talk of the evening, but not in how it’s said to be.
Listening in on the chit chat, I learned that the bride’s mother did not say yes to of the gown and hadn’t actually seen it unti the final fitting – when she went ballistic. But as the big reveal to mom was one or two hours weeks prior to the actual date for the wedding, there was nothing anybody could do about it, short of finding something off-the-rack that would make the bride happy.
And with her designer gown all set, that wasn’t going to happen. Because the bride didn’t want her parents’ input on her dress choice, she hadn’t called for any help paying for it. Although they’d picked up the bill for all of those other wedding, the bride’s decision to pay for her own gown was strategic because she KNEW that her mother would not agree to THAT dress. And I’m sure the rhinestone body art was an extra-special surprise for the Mother of the Bride on the big day.
That’s an example of why a mother may not allow to pay for a dress even if it’s what the bride would really love. Sometimes her mother is shopping for the bride’s needs, even when the bride sees herself walking down the section looking like Beyoncé. In some venues and with some guest lists, that wouldn’t be appropriate.
So does mom of the bride have a say in what bridal dress her daughter prefers if she’s paying for it? You’d better believe she does. Most parents aren’t trying to smash their daughters’ dreams of finding the perfect dress. Mom is there to tell the bride what looks good, and to keep her at bay when she tries on something that would challenge her grandmother’s pacemaker. Sometimes, if the bride has a lot more generous opinions about how much skin should be showing, there has to be a compromise. Maybe even a second dress option if it’s in the budget. You can switch things up night time at the reception without having the same impact of walking down the section half-naked.
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